Beyond Trauma: Death of a Good Girl

The Butterfly Effect: How One Moment Changes Everything

I discovered her recently—the angry, frustrated version of my childhood self. And I had to ask: Was it all because of you?

When humans experience trauma beyond what they can handle, the brain does something remarkable: it separates those memories. But they don’t disappear. These memories get stored between cells, in the unconscious, waiting in the depths of our minds until our bodies feel completely safe again.

From that moment forward, these hidden memories influence everything in our lives. Our entire personality forms around the trauma—it’s evolutionarily meaningful. The brain’s primary algorithm is designed to avoid “danger,” so when we experience overwhelming threat, the brain shuts down emotional circuits, separates memories from cognitive processing, and stores them as signals throughout the body.

“Overwhelming danger” equals war or ice-cold terror.

And people who experience this live completely different lives from those who don’t. Without knowing it, they think and act as if “the world is dangerous.” They become hypervigilant, their bodies freeze at similar smells, sounds, or images, and they avoid anything that might trigger those memories. This is how a single event can determine an entire life—restructuring the brain, even changing DNA permanently around that trauma.

The Parasite of Trauma

Trauma operates like a parasite. The host lives for decades completely unaware that their brain is being controlled, and then they die. Most humans never realize that one experience shook their entire life, that it profoundly influenced every thought and decision they made. They live like empty shells.

Should we call someone who can’t trust people, who fears society due to severe trauma, a “patient”? A defective product from an unfortunate incident? Or is this human evolution?

They may not have been patients initially, but trauma survivors typically end up in hospitals decades later with labels like “depression,” “autoimmune disease,” “anxiety and panic,” “ADHD,” “social anxiety disorder,” “hikikomori,” “anger management issues,” “hormonal imbalance.” Only after becoming patients do they finally ask:

“Why me? Nothing happened to me—why is this happening?”

The Medical Mystery: When Tests Show Nothing

This question usually emerges after months or years of living with that nagging feeling—*something’s wrong with my body*—followed by visiting countless doctors, spending hundreds of thousands on tests, only to receive that frustrating diagnosis: “cause unknown.”

Many don’t even make it to hospitals, instead blaming their “personality” or “lack of willpower” as they slowly fade from society.

For those brave enough to seek medical help, most think: “Bad luck, can’t help it,” and start taking medication. The problem? They don’t get better. Not after months, not after years. Sometimes it gets worse.

Hospitals prescribe more medication. They buy supplements, try diets, exercise. Personal training sessions, maybe?

Medical expenses skyrocket, but the pill count never decreases. And nobody asks the real questions.

Families see the growing medication collection and think, “Problem solved,” feeling relief that they “know what’s wrong” and hoping things will improve. The patient, confused but trusting, diligently takes their pills—after all, taking care of health can’t hurt. Overworked doctors don’t question: “Still depressed? Let’s increase the dosage. Stop drinking alcohol.” Insurance pays, case closed.

So nobody asks the real questions:

1. Nobody knows why this happens

1. Society is too busy anyway

1. What’s the point of unprofitable questions?

And if we knew the answers, could we handle them? Our society has too many wounded people.

My Story: The Perfect Storm

My childhood was horrific abuse. But it took 20 years before I could say out loud that it was abuse, that it was wrong. Not because I lacked courage to speak—I simply couldn’t remember. And I didn’t even know it was wrong. I thought everyone lived that way.

The human brain is fascinating—it can edit and cut out uncomfortable memories. But unfortunately (or fortunately), our bodies cannot lie. I couldn’t remember, but my life kept going strangely wrong.

On the surface, I was the model student everyone envied: rich family’s daughter, student council president, top of my class, prestigious high school, Yonsei University. My mother was a church leader, PTA member, board member, volunteer leader, former Yonsei goddess, prominent wife.

But my health record looked like this:

- Age 13: Digestive problems, insomnia

- Age 18: Osteoporosis, nearly expelled from school

- Age 22: Alcohol addiction, smoking, gaming addiction

- Age 24: PCOS, depression, panic disorder, social anxiety, burnout, dropped out, ran away, bad credit

- Age 29: ADHD diagnosis

- Age 30: Autoimmune disease, “on the verge of collapse”—shut down all business. All previous diagnoses revealed to stem from one cause: C-PTSD

The Scientific Truth: It’s Not Mental Illness

Here’s what my TruHealth epigenetic report revealed—scientific evidence that it wasn’t “mental illness” or “burnout.” It was neuroimmune collapse triggered by long-term childhood trauma:

Immune System Collapse

- White Blood Cell Count: 1% → Extreme immune suppression, common in chronic trauma survivors

- Systemic Inflammation Markers (SII, NLR): Low → Immune imbalance linked to autoimmune disorders and PTSD

Chronic Brain Inflammation

- Quinolinate: 27% → Neurotoxic metabolite directly linked to brain inflammation, anxiety, depression, cognitive dysfunction

- IL-6, CRP, GlycA: Moderately elevated → Systemic inflammation from trauma-induced cellular stress

Neurotransmitter Disruption

- Vitamin B5: 13%, B6: 25% → Critical for dopamine, serotonin, GABA synthesis

- Tyrosine: 4%, Histidine: 5% → Precursors to dopamine, norepinephrine, histamine

- Dopamine Sulfate Metabolites: 41-75% → Imbalanced metabolism causing unstable motivation/reward circuits

Mitochondrial Dysfunction

- Mitochondrial Function Score: 26% → Severe cellular energy collapse

- ATP Synthase: 85%, DRP1: 65% → Overworked, fragmented mitochondria failing to keep up with repair demands

NAD+ System Failure

- 2PY: 96% → Byproduct of NAD+ overuse, blocking DNA repair and energy metabolism

- Nicotinamide Riboside: 19% → NAD+ system failing, leading to accelerated aging

Bottom Line: These biomarkers show long-term, untreated neuroimmune stress consistent with C-PTSD and childhood trauma—not psychiatric disease. The symptoms were misdiagnosed as ADHD, bipolar disorder, depression, burnout, and autoimmune disorders.

These are not personality flaws or chemical imbalances—they are trauma-induced epigenetic changes and cellular system breakdowns.

The Harsh Reality: Society Doesn’t Protect Victims

Our society isn’t kind to victims. Actually, it seems to prefer victims—at least then “I’m above you.” People say they feel sorry while giving no money, comforting themselves instead. When needed, they use that pity as a weapon for blame and threats.

So normal healing is something from Disney movies, not possible in Korea.

I tried to build a healing hotel in Bali with pure intentions and sincere communication, thinking people would recognize authenticity. They did show interest and love, and amazing people offered to invest.

But parasites infiltrated everything—bugs attracted to warmth.

Among the “partners,” I discovered one person who invested money and tied me down, only to realize later they came to have an affair with another partner. Among those who claimed to be family, when I trusted them completely, they manipulated books, manipulated stocks, scammed me, blamed everything on me, and used our staff to steal business secrets for their identical venture.

One even told all my investors that I was mentally unstable due to trauma and unreliable, claiming they wanted to remove me and run the business themselves—out of love for me, they said. They called daily to berate me and censor all my content, cursing me whenever I seemed happy: “You’re unhappy and mentally unsound, so you need us.”

Discovering I was scammed left me staring into space for two months, thinking: “This can’t be happening. I must be misunderstanding.”

Meanwhile, these human parasites spent months calling investors and acquaintances, framing me as crazy while claiming to “worry about me.” I lost what little trust in humanity I’d never really had, and I had no strength to fight.

The Breaking Point: When Your Body Says Stop

Then the diagnosis arrived:

“White blood cell count at 1% of normal”

…What?

“Severe brain inflammation, hormonal imbalance destroying serotonin and dopamine circuits” 

“Years of chronic stress causing accumulated cellular damage…  

Mitochondrial function 26%, cortisol circuit performance 40%, liver overload,  

at risk of autoimmune disease and organ failure at any time.  

Immediate rest recommended.”

I’d taken this cutting-edge Harvard/Yale 99% accuracy blood test from a biohacking forum just for fun. Stress can cause autoimmune disease? My life really is cursed. Just when things were going well…

Of course, nothing good happens in my life.

Was I fundamentally flawed from the start? Am I trapped in this destiny forever? The ant lion pit of helplessness and futility made me seriously consider ending it all.

Those parasites didn’t accomplish anything extraordinary. I was just tired of experiencing the same things repeatedly. Being labeled crazy and stabbed by “family”—I’ve done that for 30 years, isn’t that enough?

This damn life really has nobody on my side.

Maybe I should just die…

But then everyone would just blame me again, right? Whatever, they’d forget in a week anyway.

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The Cave of Healing: Discovering the Truth

I cut off everything for two months: alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, even Instagram, WhatsApp, friends. I stayed alone in my room. I tried all the textbook approaches—meditation, healing foods—but my body wouldn’t improve.

It was hard to explain to anyone. Without a clear, serious disease name, people don’t understand “rest,” do they? In modern society where rest doesn’t exist, no matter how much I explained my pain, people would offer maximum sympathy—*“That must be hard… get well soon”*—then lose interest and remind me of emails, tasks, receipts, and various problems that still needed handling.

The problem was living in a modern society where, unless you’re hospitalized and unconscious, contact and work must continue, even when you can’t eat or sleep, have fever throughout your body, mood swings, and a dizzy head.

Despite receiving terrifying results—*“autoimmune disease could develop anytime, organ failure could occur, and if blood flow to the brain is blocked, you could become disabled”*—people cared more about getting quick text responses than whether I lived or died.

I realized: Nobody actually cares about me.

I thought I lived kindly, righteously, and diligently. I offered help to strangers within my means, shared good knowledge for free, gave my time. But when I was sick, none of those people stayed by my side to care or listen.

Except for a few close friends who occasionally called saying “That must be really hard, call anytime”—I was just a convenient, kind pushover to be used.

I was living wrongly, associating with the wrong people.

The Awakening: Society’s True Face

Contrary to what schools teach, most people aren’t moral. They pretend to be moral because it’s necessary for survival, performing morality within socially acceptable limits. But people won’t help someone dying on the street if it causes them loss.

Romantic relationships and friendships are similar. In modern society, where everyone constantly seeks advantage among infinite choices, when one option becomes less useful, you just move to the next. So when someone becomes sick, annoying, or demands time and money, you just cut them off.

That’s why people who live righteously and kindly get used by everyone, then discarded and forgotten when their usefulness ends.

That’s how I was disappearing.

Living so hard, enduring everything, suppressed emotions stored in organs caused chronic cortisol and liver overload, destroying my hormonal system. My mind stopped working, I couldn’t feel joy, my body shut down—digestion, sleep, everything was chaos. I couldn’t eat solid food, surviving on broth and juice for weeks.

Day and night, either no sleep at all or zombie-like states, watching decades of dark memories replay like movies all day, filled with anger and sadness I’d locked away…

Living kindly, only being used, finally scammed. Scammed, but blamed for the scammers’ crimes, nearly dying.

I felt cheated.

It’s all lies.

People preach “live kindly” and “live righteously” because it’s convenient for them to use others. They spread such ideology through dramas and movies. But my 30 years of reality weren’t like that. Kind people endured and died without money or health, used and trapped. Neither law nor society sides with the weak. The weak get erased. Victims suffer secondary and tertiary harm for being victims, then disappear.

That’s our society. Humans are just fanged beasts pretending otherwise while continuously struggling.

I made a decision:

Since living as a good child caused all this, since always enduring everything and finishing with “whatever’s good is good” and always losing money brought me to this state—now I’ll face the wild directly, see the world of survival of the fittest as it really is, and refuse to live as prey anymore.

I will unconditionally survive.

The Real Face of Healing

Real healing happens at 2-6 AM when you can’t sleep, confronting uncomfortable dark memories. You must listen to each distorted inner child’s story, fully feel their anger and sadness, and completely understand them. Only then will that child stop becoming more unhappy.

Closing the Business: The Final Straw

Yes, I was scammed.

For a while, I thought being scammed was my fault for misjudging people, so I stayed in my room blaming myself while the scammers called everyone daily, making themselves victims and blaming me. I thought if I stayed righteous and upright, people would recognize the truth, so I said nothing and just meditated in my room.

But they showed no signs of remorse, and people seemed to believe those parasites.

Still thinking “I started this,” I tried to embrace everything and take responsibility properly. But I was too angry. And my body hurt. It seemed too cruel to myself, so I decided to stop.

I thought about dying, but if I died after living as a victim my whole life, I’d feel sorry for myself. So I won’t die. I’ll punish the scammers legally, report to police, and liquidate corporate assets to return as much principal as possible to investors—fulfilling my moral responsibility.

It was very difficult. I felt responsible even for being scammed. But blaming myself didn’t change anything. The world didn’t acknowledge it.

So I’ll close the business my way, finish cleanly, and rest completely until my body fully recovers.

I’m disappearing from this life, from everything.

I no longer directly operate social media or channels. After this post, all content will be created by our content team based on my sincerity and truth, with secondary processing, and all social media will be managed by managers.

The Death of the “Good Girl”

These were channels that started as my diary, where I shared my story honestly. But as I gained some recognition, with acquaintances, business partners, and colleagues watching, some people sold my stories or used my private experiences as weaknesses for their benefit, further damaging my wounds.

Sexual harassment in personal channels, gaslighting, judgment, lecturing, boundary-crossing words disguised as affection. Countless people asking for free accommodation, meetings, coffee, time, counseling, dumping their problems as if I were responsible.

I’m done. Done giving my precious time and mental energy to people who mistake kindness for entitlement.

From now on, I’ll share my private life and true emotions only with a few people I know and cherish.

I’ll continue posting helpful information and processed stories, but I won’t reveal my painful stories, my location, economic situation, or real emotions anymore.

If you need help, I’ll give my precious time to those who truly need help and respect me—but for money. I learned that without payment, there are too many parasites, and truly needy people can’t be reached.

The newsletter will also become paid after this.

Private life, economic truths, visa strategies—real tips from someone with top 1% intelligence in Korea who learned through years in the wild. Valuable information, strategies, and my private stories will only be available for payment. And if you want to meet me for help, you must pay. This protects me from evil people and ensures my time goes only to those who truly need help.

Breaking Free: The Survivor’s Manifesto

I’m a survivor of extreme childhood abuse. I’ve lived as a “victim,” a “good child” who became everyone’s target due to various mental conditions. I thought it was all wrong from the start, that I was born wrong, and countless times considered death.

That’s my truth. No matter how bright or okay I pretended to be, from my teenage years onward, I lived with these thoughts at my core.

Breaking free from the victim’s trap starts with breaking free from that “good child.”

Adults abuse children, then gaslight them because they know it’s socially unacceptable:

- “It’s because you did wrong”

- “You should have been better”

- “It’s because you cried”

- “It’s because you complained”

No reason justifies an adult unilaterally confining, starving, and beating a young child for years.

But young children biologically cannot think of parents as “bad people.” So children blame themselves: If I just endure a little more, be better, try harder, everything will be okay…

They force smiles for parents who beat them nearly to death and try even harder. That’s what children do.

I’m 30 now, but I’m finally breaking free from that child—the child who always felt everything was her fault, always cowering and gnawing at herself inside. The child who couldn’t sleep from guilt over a single glance, being late once, or complaining once.

I bury that child here today.

Sleep well, my fake self created by society and parents.

My New Life: Selfish and Free

I don’t know how many years of life I have left, but I’ll live like this:

Thinking only of myself, a little more selfishly, doing things that make me even slightly happier and lighter. I won’t fake smiles to please anyone or lighten anyone’s mood anymore.

I’ll live very selfishly, lazily, indulgently, and immorally—without harming others. I’ll eat whatever I want, have weird hairstyles, disappear to foreign countries without notice, date as I please, go wherever the wind takes me to beautiful places.

At least until the end of this year, I’ll live like this. I’ll finally listen to the real desires in my heart that I never heard before, releasing that accumulated resentment while alive.

Tomorrow I leave for Berlin. Without phone or laptop, I’ll disappear where nobody knows me. I’ll get the haircut my mother absolutely forbade, maybe even get tattoos. Yes, I’m completely throwing off the forced identity of “model student” that Korean society imposed on me from birth.

I won’t ask for support or ask you to watch. But thank you for watching until now.

The “good child” sleeps here today.

Next time, I’ll return with practical, hopeful wild survival guides that benefit you.

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